DIRETTO (DIRECT): This train goes directly to each station on the line, and which point it ceases moving and turns its engines off, waiting for further instructions from the mother ship.

REGIONALE (REGIONAL): This train's job is to explore each region to the utmost, pausing lengthily at every station, pit stop, shed, outhouse, lamp post, or any other manmade structure in the vicinity of the railroad tracks on the off chance that any one of them just might be a regularly scheduled stop.

ACCELERATO (ACCELERATED): This appellation guarantees that, at least at some point during the journey, this train will achieve some degree of acceleration — assuming, of course, said acceleration won't interfere with the train's primary duties of (1) incremental coasting, (2) decelerating, (3) making frequent full stops, and (4) idling on the tracks in the middle of nowhere at least one time between each pair of stations while the engineer and conductors pop into a nearby bar for an espresso.

Copyright © 1998 by Reid Bramblett. All rights reserved.